O'Donnell Executive StrategiesParallels between marriage and employment
Most folks assume getting married or accepting a job will bring long-term financial and emotional security. 10% of marriages end in divorce after 5 years, 40% of marriages by the 50th year (a). Comparatively, the average job tenure is now 2-3 years.
Someone who has been out of a relationship or work many months may take a questionable spouse or job out of financial desperation or the need to be “wanted.”
In both marriage and work, you should do more homework about long-range goals and the cultural fit before committing. Beauty is only skin deep. One-night-stand and one interview decisions carry a lot of risk. Consider Contract-2-Hire.
The more you invest up front in preparation and strategy, the more financially secure you will be long term.
If you argue with your spouse or employer about money, your marriage or job is more likely to end in divorce.
If you are happily single, and financially independent, you pick differently. You don’t see the need to get married at all. Or you partner from choice, not need. Maybe working for yourself or staying single is the better answer, so you are connecting to several partners at the same time and spreading the risk.
The best marriages and jobs offer both partners a little flexibility or at least forgive the other a few transgressions. In the best marriages and job relationships, both parties work on keeping “engagement” or satisfaction levels high.
Regardless of present marital or work status, age, or financial need you would benefit from having long-term strategies in place. Consider where you want to be 5-10 years from now. Have a progressive strategy that selects a spouse or job for the next 1-2 years and simultaneously you start activities like networking and becoming more visible in the market to start building momentum now for the time after the divorce.
Have your own analogy to add? Please do, through a comment. The more outrageous or funny, the better.
(a) www.census.gov
Right on, Pat! Good analogy. Here’s another one. Since I work with entrepreneurs, I see a job as an entrepreneurial project. And every project is like an offspring of the entrepreneur. (Still with me?) That makes your co-workers aunts, uncles, friends, co-parents of THE WORK. And then of course, from my viewpoint, “it takes a village…” Cheers!
Is marriage a job? They both require effort.
A good post, but I am not sure that people at the beginning of their work and relationship life will relate. Here’s another way to think about finding a good job. It really is all about finding a good fit. We all have a favorite pair of blue jeans. Some of us can still fit into them. If we can’t, we may need to do some work. Just like brushing up on job skills, we may need to get in shape to fit into our next “favorite” pair of jeans. So, when looking at companies and positions, try them on for a good fit. If necessary, ask a close friend to look at it, too. A truly good friend will tell you when you are fooling yourself about a possible job…the same way they’ll tell you whether your jeans look ok from behind.
Pat – Looking at this statement of yours “Have a progressive strategy that selects a spouse or job for the next 1-2 years and simultaneously you start activities like networking and becoming more visible in the market to start building momentum now for the time after the divorce.” So, you think that once we get married we need to start looking for the next spouse in line?
Great points you make! The analogy works! I like the flexibility point…I’m re-evaluating my career path as I write this! That is the most important point for me! All the best!!!
Hi Pat – interesting analogy – a great way to add some additional perspective. In addition I always advise: keep your options open – know what gives you energy – and follow the positive energy path, success and happiness will follow.
As someone who is entering the last phase of her present work situation and probably toward the end of a long and happy relationship due to a progressive illness, I have begun to consider what life will be like in 5 to 10 years when I will once again be on my own. I really see this as a great opportunity to change directions or life patterns and believe that this is a process that we must continue all our lives. When we stop doing this is when the “old” sets in and we see life as something to be endured not lived! Congratualtions Pat, this is great. I’ll try for funny and entertaining the next time!
Pat. Great analogy. Marriage and finding meaningful work both require vision, commitment, hard work, flexibility, and a great sense of humor! Ok, laughing at our partner/boss can be a great source of entertainment, but we also need to laugh at ourselves. And being flexible…like my dog, Riki, who reaches his goal but never in a straight path. He stops along the way to sniff and listen for what might be even better out there. Ok, maybe not the best analogy for a marriage but how about looking for better solutions to problems and the best ways to get there together?
I agree with the marriage analogy and want to add that in both cases it is very possible that you will be traded in for a younger version.
Great post. Knowing that the interview (or marriage) is a two-way learning/informational opportunity is a key thing to remember. It is OK to be selective. Between being on-site at the job, telecommuting and being at cell phone/blackberry/email’s reach of your colleagues, the odds of working 10-12 hrs/day plus time on the weekend is quite high. Learning all you can about your “partner” in advance of your decision will help lead to a smoother transition and increased happiness.
Simply put….look before you leap!
Pat, in the real word this would be great. Most of the time we, for some strange reason, fall in love without thinking and planing. It would be great to plan ahead. One should look at a job in the same way as a long term relationship. Good point!
Ah, yes… and how many of us regret time spent with the “wrong” person, wasting our energy and PASSION… simply because we didn’t want to be “alone”. And all that passion and energy could have been more appropriately funneled into finding THE one. Then again – isn’t that what part of our youth is for –? As long as we’re learning and growing from our experiences?
However, like your analogy… and like our personal searches in life… we’ll kill ourselves if we regret all of our mistakes… and we can also set ourselves up for great disappointment if we believe that there is only ONE PERFECT place to be. Could turn out that PERFECT fit – isn’t really a perfect fit after all.
Inner knowledge and awareness of what we have and what we want, that is how we keep ourselves focused and moving forward on the career path.